When Mom died I stayed in Sierra Vista for two weeks and helped Dad with all the details and things that needed attention and by the time I made it back home to Phoenix life had just moved on as if nothing had happened. While I was surrounded by my amazing husband and wonderful friends it was such a lonely feeling because we as adults really tend to tip toe around death and ask each other in almost a rhetorical way "how are you?" or "is everything okay?". Let's face it, if we asked someone those questions and they actually broke down throwing them self on the floor bawling uncontrollably (which is kind of what you feel like doing sometimes), people would back away awkwardly wishing they would have just resisted the urge to ask in the first place. So when someone asks how you're doing after losing someone close to you, the response is usually "hanging in there" or " we're taking it day by day" which is also true and certainly causes much less of a scene even if you tear up when saying it. So I have been asked that magical questions in person, through emails and texts, and voice mails at least 100 times in the past week and my response is..........we are taking it day by day and this time I can say that we truly are but mainly because of Melanie. God has worked wonders through her. :)
While I am quite biased by being her mommy, Melanie is amazing. She tears up with me when emotion is overwhelming, always knows when I need a big hug and never lets much time pass without telling me that she loves me. She also initiates a conversation about her Grandpa at least once a day. This does two things for me, one it helps me to know that she is processing things in a very healthy manner which really was my biggest concern through all this and two it helps us both to remember Grandpa and celebrate all the things we loved about him. Every day she will ask a question like, "Grandpa won't be able to come over for dinner again or Grandpa won't be able to come and watch me dance will he?" While these seem heartbreaking and I usually tear up for a moment every time she says something like that, it is always followed up with a story of when Grandpa did do something fun with us so we end up laughing and snuggling.
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| Mel and I snuggling at Pier 39 in San Francisco |
Her favorite seems to be chocolate milk. Before Dad got sick he used to pick Melanie up from daycare at least once a week and would take her to the playground and then back to his condo for snack and playtime. Snack was ALWAYS chocolate milk and some kind of cookie. A mother's dream. ;-) Melanie of course was bouncing around by the time I got there and Dad would just shrug at me and smile. The privilege of being a grandparent I guess. Mel's had a few chocolate milk's at home since Grandpa passed which always leads to a story about her and Grandpa after school. Apparently snack time with Grandpa also included M'n'M's most of the time. :)
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| Mel, Grandpa, Droopy, and Elmo having a Tea Party |
I look forward to mine and Mel's moments of reflection and memories about Grandpa. While I know they may not remain a daily occurrence as time goes on, they have helped us all move on day by day feeling loved and blessed and knowing Grandpa and Grandma are smiling down on us remembering the good times and planning for the day we all meet up again.
Thank you to everyone for your prayers, love, support, and for being brave enough to ask how it's going. ;-) Lots of love from our home to yours!
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